Plunging into the past without a systematic way is ironically a good way to identify patterns.  For instance, I’ve realized that I jump into the “unknown” every decade.

The scenario:  I am in a fairly secure “normal” job and then proceed to take a running leap off of a springboard into the wilds of life.  Usually with a plan 1/2 baked.  Sometimes there’s a job or sometimes there is place to live.  Rarely, is there both before I jump.

The lesson:  My landings have neither been horrendous or smooth.  They are usually a little bumpy with bruises, but nothing that a small Band-Aid and TLC can’t heal.  And resulting from all of the tumbles is a stronger person.

The step-up:  As I reflected on my college years, 20s, and 30s,  those scrapes seemed like the biggest wound, but once it healed I became more confident, knowledgeable, or financially independent.

What about my 40s?

 

(I think I already know the answer – jumping into the Grand Adventure.)

When I attempted to review my journals before, I was quite methodical…and short lived.  For this quest, I am diving in randomly.  I am looking for a needle in a haystack, my life’s purpose amidst a plethora of bound journals.  Will I find my answer?  Yes.  It might not be in the words themselves, but it could be in a triggered memory or a thought that lights up while I’m typing away on my candle light backyard.

 

All I know is that I need to be disciplined enough to move forward on this journey and really dive deeply to find my buried treasure.  I’m not trying to be arrogant or elitist, but I am too smart not to figure this out.

Since, it mattered to decide what you were going to do with your life, I have been trying to solve my life-question.  And it has been nagging at me and definitely a constant theme in my writing.  I know that I have distracted my attention to focus on the issues of others instead of paying attention to truly discovering how I am going to illuminate myself to the world.  This journey is not about satisfying my undying curiosity of who I will be when I grow up, but adding to the joy of the world the gifts I have to offer.

There is romantic love, sorrow, surprise, humor and joy in my story. Let me introduce you to some of the players, influencers, mentors and lovers.  Here we go…

Bon Voyage J’s Journey!

June 2017

I’ve always said that I am going to write my own book.  “This adventure will go in my story.”  “This crazy time is just a chapter in the many volumes I’ve recorded of my life.” “The story of me”

I wrote religiously for years since the 4th grade.  Journals upon notebooks upon scrap books.  Diligently, I documented the life of me.  I was doing something every day that I was going to use in the future.

As time goes on, I began to get lazy in my record keeping.  Years that took multiple journals were now condensed to one per year.  And the cause for most of my tardiness  was many life altering changes occurring simultaneously in my life.  All of a sudden I was sharing my life with multiple people who are eternally connected to me.

There was also a sight tinge of cynicism.  “Who would want to read about my life?”  “What mind-blowing revelation do I present to the world?” “Who really cares?”

And now I am at a point in my life where I actually don’t give a shit of who cares or not, I am going to write that story of me for me.

(Why not?!? I am already at a crossroads and I might as well dive right in to the moment.)